Children of the Corn
Stephen King’s Children of the Corn- not to be confused with The Asylum’s New Kids on the Cob- is a 1984 horror movie adapted from a short story of the same name. The story revolves- when it revolves around anything- around a cult of youngsters who murder all the adults in their small Nebraska town, and sometimes around a couple who try to stop them.
Actually, that’s incorrect. The couple would try to stop them, I suppose, if the Corn Cult had anything resembling an agenda or even the vaguest Master Plan besides sitting in the Corn Field all day and night making crucifixes out of corn stalks. The Corn Cult is led by a little snot called Isaac, The Great Cornholio himself, who alternates between as bombastic and inflective spiels as a ten year old prophet can get. and whiny fits when he finds himself tied up a Corn Stalk Cross.
Corn, for a reason I'm sure is too corny to figure out, is a main theme although I have no idea what it’s supposed to symbolize nor why it’s supposed to be scary.
Christianity is another theme, although I have equally no idea how Isaac- let alone his Corngregation- can alloy ever the most loose and goofy interpretation of Christianity with anything whatsoever to do with Corn. Yet Corn it is, and there’s plenty of it. In fact, after the adults are murdered and then planted in the Corn Field, the cultists scatter Corn everywhere throughout the town for no apparent reason other than the assumption- on my part- that Corn has magical qualities good for warding off the outside world.
Yet Outsiders come, in the form of Linda Hamilton and her boyfriend Peter Horton. On their way through Nebraska, Horton runs over a boy standing in the middle of the road, but since this boy already had his throat slit in the Corn Field from where he teleported, Horton doesn't feel guilty about it and Hamilton soon forgets, like the movie itself, it ever even happened. Horton rolls him up in a carpet and puts him in the trunk, which isn’t exactly what I would do but it’s better than burying him back in the Corn Field like a dead fish for a better harvest.
Later in the movie the boy rolls back and forth in the truck, making loud enough thuds for Hamilton- who I guess assumed Horton left the boy rotting on the street- to worry. Horton tells her it's a bag of golf clubs or some such, and for all I know, thinks he's telling the truth.
Hamilton and Horton drive until they meet a mechanic, who after directing them away from Galtin- where the Corn Nuts are- he argues with a thunderstorm. Thunderstorms are manifestations of the Evil in the Corn, and I’m not saying he’s crazy for talking to them, just crazy for supposing an Ancient Evil in a Corn Field keen on possessing children without any goal in mind can’t be reasoned with. The Corn Cult later kills him and his dog. Can't have Lassie running to the next town for help.
Horton and Hamilton eventually wind up in Gatlin- at some point they wind up in a Corn Field, as the Corn is able to absorb the highway- and they meet Sarah Plain and Stupid and Job. Sarah and Job are the only kids not in the cult, Sarah blessed with the useful ability to see the future but also the not-so-useful habit of drawing her visions in crayon.
Horton wanders off to find an adult after Sarah tells him they’re all in the Corn Field- “Are they having a meeting there?”- but all he finds is a lot of Corn. The Corn Cultists even stuff a car with Corn Stalks- the engine as well, why not?- because that’ll show the adults they already killed they mean business when it comes to Corn.
While Horton is away Hamilton gets captured by Malachi, the Muscle of the Corn Cult. All the kids in this movie have Biblical names, although the town appeared normal enough before they slaughtered it. I’m guessing the adults let them rename themselves, dress a century out of date, have long meetings in the Corn Field with not-at-all-insane Isaac, and just put up with ramblings about Corn day in and night out. Guess they had it coming.
Hamilton is tied to a Corn Cross, but Isaac needs Horton as well to make a sacrifice which will accomplish.... whatever the hell it is the Corn wants it can’t be bothered to explain. Malachi takes Shadrach, Meshach, Abednego, Methusela, Noah, Abraham, and Enoch (the kids only read the Old Testament) to sniff out Horton, but this fails when Malachi gets whacked by Horton with a tire iron.
Failure pisses Isaac off. He demands Horton again, but the Christianity of the Corn variety is a harsh mistress, as Malachi rebels and assumes control. He ties Isaac whining and pouting all the way up the Corn Cross they prepared for Horton,, then takes Hamilton down and into town to sniff out Horton again.
Here Malachi gets confused, thinks he’s in The Gunslinger and starts calling Horton “The Interloper”. The strategy of putting a knife to Hamilton’s throat and yelling doesn’t work, so he goes back to his headquarters in the Corn for the Final Cornfrontation.
Horton beats the corn with a Moltov Cocktail he has to throw twice (hard to miss a Corn Feild) and an irrigation system pumped up with gasoline. The Corn explodes, but there’s no popcorn for them to enjoy after this victory. At some point Isaac gets further possessed by “He Who Walks Behind the Rows”- I can’t explain it- becomes a zombie after a mine goes off under his Corn Cross and sends him flying through air. He kills Malachi, and since the two of them are never seen again, I suppose he dies in the explosion but I ain’t too sure.
Horton, Hamilton, Sarah and Job make their way back to the car. The Corn Cult isn’t quite done with them, as a girl with a hook jumps out of the backseat. Hamilton- or Horton, doesn’t matter- whacks her in the head with the car door when she tries to get out, then she passes out cold in the drivers seat. Instead of pulling her out and leaving her on the side of the road, Horton and Hamilton decide to walk, thus giving the girl, whenever she wakes up, a car to mow them down in.
Milling around the car, Horton remarks about a postcard from Seattle, and then:
THE END
That’s it. The screen doesn’t even go black, Hamilton and Horton loitering around the final shot as if they aren’t quite sure it’s really The End but don’t care anymore. Maybe there was another scene and the editor cut it out entirely, or maybe the crew collectively rose up and decided to end the movie. I don’t care.
That’s all I have to say about Stephen King’s Children of the Corn.
Actually, that’s incorrect. The couple would try to stop them, I suppose, if the Corn Cult had anything resembling an agenda or even the vaguest Master Plan besides sitting in the Corn Field all day and night making crucifixes out of corn stalks. The Corn Cult is led by a little snot called Isaac, The Great Cornholio himself, who alternates between as bombastic and inflective spiels as a ten year old prophet can get. and whiny fits when he finds himself tied up a Corn Stalk Cross.
Corn, for a reason I'm sure is too corny to figure out, is a main theme although I have no idea what it’s supposed to symbolize nor why it’s supposed to be scary.
Christianity is another theme, although I have equally no idea how Isaac- let alone his Corngregation- can alloy ever the most loose and goofy interpretation of Christianity with anything whatsoever to do with Corn. Yet Corn it is, and there’s plenty of it. In fact, after the adults are murdered and then planted in the Corn Field, the cultists scatter Corn everywhere throughout the town for no apparent reason other than the assumption- on my part- that Corn has magical qualities good for warding off the outside world.
Yet Outsiders come, in the form of Linda Hamilton and her boyfriend Peter Horton. On their way through Nebraska, Horton runs over a boy standing in the middle of the road, but since this boy already had his throat slit in the Corn Field from where he teleported, Horton doesn't feel guilty about it and Hamilton soon forgets, like the movie itself, it ever even happened. Horton rolls him up in a carpet and puts him in the trunk, which isn’t exactly what I would do but it’s better than burying him back in the Corn Field like a dead fish for a better harvest.
Later in the movie the boy rolls back and forth in the truck, making loud enough thuds for Hamilton- who I guess assumed Horton left the boy rotting on the street- to worry. Horton tells her it's a bag of golf clubs or some such, and for all I know, thinks he's telling the truth.
Hamilton and Horton drive until they meet a mechanic, who after directing them away from Galtin- where the Corn Nuts are- he argues with a thunderstorm. Thunderstorms are manifestations of the Evil in the Corn, and I’m not saying he’s crazy for talking to them, just crazy for supposing an Ancient Evil in a Corn Field keen on possessing children without any goal in mind can’t be reasoned with. The Corn Cult later kills him and his dog. Can't have Lassie running to the next town for help.
Horton and Hamilton eventually wind up in Gatlin- at some point they wind up in a Corn Field, as the Corn is able to absorb the highway- and they meet Sarah Plain and Stupid and Job. Sarah and Job are the only kids not in the cult, Sarah blessed with the useful ability to see the future but also the not-so-useful habit of drawing her visions in crayon.
Horton wanders off to find an adult after Sarah tells him they’re all in the Corn Field- “Are they having a meeting there?”- but all he finds is a lot of Corn. The Corn Cultists even stuff a car with Corn Stalks- the engine as well, why not?- because that’ll show the adults they already killed they mean business when it comes to Corn.
While Horton is away Hamilton gets captured by Malachi, the Muscle of the Corn Cult. All the kids in this movie have Biblical names, although the town appeared normal enough before they slaughtered it. I’m guessing the adults let them rename themselves, dress a century out of date, have long meetings in the Corn Field with not-at-all-insane Isaac, and just put up with ramblings about Corn day in and night out. Guess they had it coming.
Hamilton is tied to a Corn Cross, but Isaac needs Horton as well to make a sacrifice which will accomplish.... whatever the hell it is the Corn wants it can’t be bothered to explain. Malachi takes Shadrach, Meshach, Abednego, Methusela, Noah, Abraham, and Enoch (the kids only read the Old Testament) to sniff out Horton, but this fails when Malachi gets whacked by Horton with a tire iron.
Failure pisses Isaac off. He demands Horton again, but the Christianity of the Corn variety is a harsh mistress, as Malachi rebels and assumes control. He ties Isaac whining and pouting all the way up the Corn Cross they prepared for Horton,, then takes Hamilton down and into town to sniff out Horton again.
Here Malachi gets confused, thinks he’s in The Gunslinger and starts calling Horton “The Interloper”. The strategy of putting a knife to Hamilton’s throat and yelling doesn’t work, so he goes back to his headquarters in the Corn for the Final Cornfrontation.
Horton beats the corn with a Moltov Cocktail he has to throw twice (hard to miss a Corn Feild) and an irrigation system pumped up with gasoline. The Corn explodes, but there’s no popcorn for them to enjoy after this victory. At some point Isaac gets further possessed by “He Who Walks Behind the Rows”- I can’t explain it- becomes a zombie after a mine goes off under his Corn Cross and sends him flying through air. He kills Malachi, and since the two of them are never seen again, I suppose he dies in the explosion but I ain’t too sure.
Horton, Hamilton, Sarah and Job make their way back to the car. The Corn Cult isn’t quite done with them, as a girl with a hook jumps out of the backseat. Hamilton- or Horton, doesn’t matter- whacks her in the head with the car door when she tries to get out, then she passes out cold in the drivers seat. Instead of pulling her out and leaving her on the side of the road, Horton and Hamilton decide to walk, thus giving the girl, whenever she wakes up, a car to mow them down in.
Milling around the car, Horton remarks about a postcard from Seattle, and then:
THE END
That’s it. The screen doesn’t even go black, Hamilton and Horton loitering around the final shot as if they aren’t quite sure it’s really The End but don’t care anymore. Maybe there was another scene and the editor cut it out entirely, or maybe the crew collectively rose up and decided to end the movie. I don’t care.
That’s all I have to say about Stephen King’s Children of the Corn.