Police Determined to Bring Serial Litterbug to Justice
The Madsen County Police declared today they will spare no manpower in bringing down a “serial litterbug”, currently at large, who they allege is responsible for a series of littering incidents across the county.
The litterbug first came to the attention of the Madsen County Police when Detective Barker came upon a dastardly scene in the swamps outlying the county.
“I was fishing, when I noticed something in the water. Upon closer examination, I discovered a mannequin, dumped in the shallow water, without care or remorse. The litterbug was even so audacious as to smear ketchup on it to fool the local critters into thinking it was road kill. Some of the dimmer critters done got a hold of it in thier ignorance, and once they realized weren’t nothing, done torn it all it up. That’s what we call crime reconstruction. I gathered what I could, never found the head though, and gave it a proper Christian burial in a dumpster by K-MART. What I don’t get is why the son of bitch painted it green. There was also some mold on which gave it a mighty smell, but that’s of no consequence”.
“Truly, this litterbug is a sick individual.”
This began an extensive search for other mannequin dumpings throughout the area, which led to the discovery of no less than 30 mannequins in varying conditions of wear and tear. Chief King is unwilling to comment further than “This beats anything I ever seen.”
The mannequins have all been discovered in remote, desolate, wooded or swampy areas, sometimes even underground, and in one “spectacular example of how far a man will go to be lazy”, one was even weighted down and dismembered. “Clearly he picks these areas ‘cause he’s ashamed of himself.” Detective Barker remarked. “He probably dumps them at night or early morning, so no one will see his wasteful ways in broad daylight”.
As for the identity of the litterbug, Detective Barker was fluent with details. “Obviously he has access to a department store. Any damn fool could see that. The thing we want to figure is why he steals them in the first place when he’s just gonna throw them away. Don’t make no sense, but crime never does.”
No local retail stores have reported missing or stolen mannequins, but Detective Barker is undeterred. “That just means he’s a clever one, he’s doing something we ain’t on to yet. Ain’t you ever heard of logic? Just cause something can’t be proven wrong, don’t mean it ain’t.”
As for catching the litterbug, Detective Barker has a Master Plan. “We simply get one our deputies to pretend to be a mannequin! I can’t tell you which store he’ll be in, but he’ll be in women’s clothes- cause that’s what the litterbug likes, for some reason- and we’ll be hiding behind the Big and Tall racks, locked and loaded to take him down. It won’t be pretty, but then, it wasn’t pretty what he done to those innocent mannequins neither”.
The litterbug first came to the attention of the Madsen County Police when Detective Barker came upon a dastardly scene in the swamps outlying the county.
“I was fishing, when I noticed something in the water. Upon closer examination, I discovered a mannequin, dumped in the shallow water, without care or remorse. The litterbug was even so audacious as to smear ketchup on it to fool the local critters into thinking it was road kill. Some of the dimmer critters done got a hold of it in thier ignorance, and once they realized weren’t nothing, done torn it all it up. That’s what we call crime reconstruction. I gathered what I could, never found the head though, and gave it a proper Christian burial in a dumpster by K-MART. What I don’t get is why the son of bitch painted it green. There was also some mold on which gave it a mighty smell, but that’s of no consequence”.
“Truly, this litterbug is a sick individual.”
This began an extensive search for other mannequin dumpings throughout the area, which led to the discovery of no less than 30 mannequins in varying conditions of wear and tear. Chief King is unwilling to comment further than “This beats anything I ever seen.”
The mannequins have all been discovered in remote, desolate, wooded or swampy areas, sometimes even underground, and in one “spectacular example of how far a man will go to be lazy”, one was even weighted down and dismembered. “Clearly he picks these areas ‘cause he’s ashamed of himself.” Detective Barker remarked. “He probably dumps them at night or early morning, so no one will see his wasteful ways in broad daylight”.
As for the identity of the litterbug, Detective Barker was fluent with details. “Obviously he has access to a department store. Any damn fool could see that. The thing we want to figure is why he steals them in the first place when he’s just gonna throw them away. Don’t make no sense, but crime never does.”
No local retail stores have reported missing or stolen mannequins, but Detective Barker is undeterred. “That just means he’s a clever one, he’s doing something we ain’t on to yet. Ain’t you ever heard of logic? Just cause something can’t be proven wrong, don’t mean it ain’t.”
As for catching the litterbug, Detective Barker has a Master Plan. “We simply get one our deputies to pretend to be a mannequin! I can’t tell you which store he’ll be in, but he’ll be in women’s clothes- cause that’s what the litterbug likes, for some reason- and we’ll be hiding behind the Big and Tall racks, locked and loaded to take him down. It won’t be pretty, but then, it wasn’t pretty what he done to those innocent mannequins neither”.