My 20 Favorite FIlms.
I’ve been tearing bad movies apart for almost a year now. While I don’t hate every movie I’ve reviewed, I’ve criticized some real stinkers, and the last thing I want to do is give the impression I’m an overly negative person. The truth is making fun of bad movies is my favorite past time, and bringing my writing skills to that is a pleasure more satisfying than my lifelong attempts at serious fiction. Whether I pursue serious fiction again or not- well, the jury’s still out on that one. Right now, I’m just having too much fun...
Nietzsche, alone and brilliant, once wrote: “staying cheerful in an exceedingly gloomy business is no small art”. In light of this I decided to catalogue my 20 favorite films, because 30 is just too much and 10 too conventional. I limited myself to movies made more than 5 years ago; although I’d love to add movies like Drive, it’s too soon. These are the movies I can watch repeatedly, that define me as a movie lover, and that I can talk about all night if you let me.
20. Pulp Fiction.
Tarantino fans might be a bit aghast that Pulp Fiction would rate so low, but this is my favorite films list, not Rodger Ebert’s. As strange as it may seem, considering my love for dark humor and violence in film, I’m not a big Tarantino fan. He’s derivative, and steals, but at least he’s honest about it. I listed Pulp Fiction because I simply love this movie; it’s funny, cleverly plotted, and has great performances from the entire cast. It’s not the perfect movie everyone thinks it is, but it is great. It’s gotten too much praise as it is, so... onward! ( On a side note, a good friend of mine is angry about this, arguing Pulp Fiction should be in the top 5 because it has “everything”. Yeah- everything except nudity. But it does have lots and lots of feet.)
19. Robocop.
Yep- Robocop is better to me than Pulp Fiction. A gory movie about a cop blown to bits by a ruthless crime lord (who needs better work than That 70s Show, ahem...), Robocop is a perfect action movie. It’s even better with the NC-17 version, where the ED 209 continues to blow apart the corporate executive for a good while. Also a funny satire on news cycles and media violence, Robocop has something to offer everyone. It’s a Criterion choice for a reason...
18. Grosse Pointe Blank.
I love John Cusack, and when he plays a hit man coming home to his ten year high school reunion, I love the hell out of him. It also has the last great performance from Dan Aykroyd before he stooped to doing Adam Sandler’s bidding. I don’t really care for the romance side of the story, but I can forgive that in a movie where Cusack kicks some ass, both literally and figuratively.
17. Demon Knight.
In 1995 Hollywood finally decided the world needed a Tales from the Crypt movie, and despite all critical expectations, made a damn good one. Billy Zane is in flawless form as a smart alecky demon with a penchant for imitating Garth Brooks. Add in Thomas Hayden Church with a penchant for jumper cables in inappropriate places, and you have all the good stuff Tales from the Crypt has to offer. Cheesy one-liners are my bread and butter, and Demon Kinght has enough to make me a glutton. My only problem is Jada Pinkett Smith gets a black demon collector, because that’s a little racist.
16. Miller’s Crossing.
No self-respecting movie lover’s list would be complete without a Cohen brothers movie, and Miller’s Crossing is my favorite of them all. A gangster movie set in the 1920s, Miller’s Crossing is like the cinematic love child of Raymond Chandler and Jane Austen. Snappy dialogue, amoral characters, gory deaths and femme fatales: everything I love about crime dramas made even better with the Cohen’s masterful artistry.
15. Desperado.
A shoot-em-up so perfect no more need be made, Desperado also has one thing no other shoot-em-up has: a naked Salma Hayek. The gun fights are ridiculously surreal, but that’s what I love about it. The rocket-launching guitar case was a bit excessive, but by that point I’m just laughing anyway. Sometimes I’m in the mood for some over-the-top death scenes, like a guy getting slapped with the blades of a somehow still running yet collapsed ceiling fan, and Desperado gives that to me in spades.
14. American Psycho.
A satire of 80s materialism and misogyny, American Psycho is an often misunderstood film. The novel by Bret Easton Ellis is also one of my favorites, and I think the movie is faithful in spirit if not so much in gory detail (who really wants to see Christian Bale dismember a woman and fail at cooking her?) I laugh every time I see this movie and I quote it every day, to my own detriment (some people actually think I’m a die-hard fan of Huey Lewis and the News...) The sex scene with “Sussudio” is permanently etched in my mind, and I don’t think Bale will evertop that performance. I also figured out the ending after much study, but I’m keeping that to myself, for
now...
13. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.
Also from another favorite novel, Hunter S. Thompson’s tale of the American Dream gone batty is perhaps the funniest movie I’ve ever seen. I still think it's Johnny Depp’s best performance and he deserved an Oscar for it. It’s such a beloved movie there’s not much I can add to its praise, so I’ll just end by saying I hope I never, ever hear rumors of a remake. You just can’t remake perfection.
12. Office Space.
Mike Judge’s best movie, Office Space is a dark variation of the existential themes of American Beauty and Fight Club, but being much funnier than either of those, is infinitely more watchable. I can watch this movie at any time, in any mood, and laugh at its jokes just has heartily as I did over a decade ago. My only problem with it is Jennifer Aniston, but even her self-satisfied attitude can’t ruin this spectacularly funny movie.
11. Jurassic Park.
Arguably Spielberg’s best movie, Jurassic Park has two things I’ll always love: dinosaurs, and dinosaurs eating people. Jurassic Park is what you’d get if you let Calvin write a screenplay and Hobbes direct it. Every time a thunderstorm gets bad I’m reminded of this movie, finding myself looking at rain puddles and expecting them to announce the presence of a Tyrannosaur. The mathematical plot is great, and while the characters can get on my nerves- especially those damn kids- I can still watch this movie today and enjoy it as much as I did when I saw it in the theatre. It’s definitely a movie that deserves to be rereleased on the big screen, because we all deserve to hear that Tyrannosaur roar booming one more time.
10. Batman (1989).
I have a soft spot for super-hero movies, and Batman remains for me the best. Batman has the perfect mix of dark atmosphere, haunting as well as pulse-pounding music, a classic story and comedic relief. I sometimes find myself playing the soundtrack in my head when I’m assaulted with bad bubblegum pop, and it holds “Call Me Maybe” at bay quite nicely. This movie was so influential to me as a kid, I took to dressing up like Batman and fighting crime in my neighborhood. I got beat up a lot when I was kid...
9. Arachnophobia.
Sadly, this is almost a forgotten movie. Any film that has spiders as its antagonist is great in my book, but Arachnophobia offers much more. There’s a lot of humor in it, some too dark and subtle for the typical “monster movie” crowd, and you just can’t get any better than John Goodman as a redneck exterminator with an “I’m back and I’m bad!” attitude. That’s right: John Goodman is Chuck Norris to deadly spiders. It’s also a perfect movie for riffing, and one of the few you can riff while still enjoying on its own terms. (And yes, that’s a hint, Rifftrax...)
8. Gremlins.
Phoebe Cates and Corey Feldman? Little green creatures hot-wiring a stair-lift to send a cantankerous old woman to her much-deserved demise? How can anyone not love Gremlins? There’s subtle humor to balance the slapstick (you’ll have to find it yourself) as well as some extremely dark parts (there is no Santa Claus) that make this movie unforgettable. The sequel is awesome too, but I love the first film more. It’s my favorite Christmas movie, and it makes me sad I never hear the theme song played in department stores that time of year.
7. Tombstone.
Not much to say there. I think this is a rare movie in that it’s universally loved, and I don’t think I need to explain why. But if I had to, a quote would suffice:
“I’m your Huckleberry”.
6. Evil Dead II.
My favorite horror movie, Evil Dead II is the best of the trilogy, and Bruce Campbell at his finest. I usually like horror movies from one of two perspectives: actual horror, or the black humor aspect that’s become all-but extinct these days. Evil Dead II is a masterpiece in both. I’m not a big fan of Sam Raimi- he still needs to make up for his Spiderman embarrassment- but this movie will always find a warm reception in my heart.
5. Snatch.
I love Guy Richie, and Snatch is by far his best. It has clever, snappish dialogue with a British twist, and you have to love the characters. Snatch has a perfect vector plot, with so many plotlines intercrossing and coming together at the end most people have to watch it twice. Brick Top is a menacing villain that adds the gruesomeness necessary to give Snatch its noir feel. Complete with a should-have-been-Oscar-winning performance from Brad Pitt, Snatch is a gift from Guy Ritchie everyone should see at least once.
4. Carrie.
“Wait- you just said Evil Dead II was your favorite horror movie...” I did, because Carrie isn’t a horror movie: it’s a Revenge Tragedy. I read the novel when I was 12, and did a book report on it (there was a dismal reception...) It wasn’t until I was 15 that I saw the film adaptation (on Monstervision, with Joe Bob Briggs!), and I still hold that it’s the best Stephen King movie yet. Essentially Carrie is the story of a social outcast who discovers a power within herself and uses it to take revenge on her ruthless oppressors. I do not understand why feminists hate this movie. Also Brian de Palma’s best, Carrie has some of the most genuinely creepy cinematography in any movie to date: the scene where Carrie comes up the stairs after prom is one of the most macabre and strangely beautiful things I’ve ever seen. Carrie was also very influential to the original Friday the 13th, which makes it even more awesome. With the only ending that has ever made me jump- and boy, did I jump- Carrie is a perfect movie, but I don’t recommend watching it on acid, which I foolishly did once. Needless to say I still have nightmares... or are they flashbacks?
3. The Silence of the Lambs.
Perhaps the greatest serial murder film of all time (although not the most accurate; that film would be Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer) The Silence of the Lambs not only gives us Jodie Foster at her best, but a career defining performance from Sir Anthony Hopkins. The sequel and the prequel are pathetic in comparison, and- big surprise- I don’t watch them. The Silence of the Lambs is satisfying on every level. It’s rare for me to love a film as popular as this one as much as I do, but... It’s just that good.
2. Heathers.
The darkest black comedy ever, Heathers is the story of a high school couple who cover up an accidental (maybe...) murder with a staged suicide, and then go on to kill again. I don’t care what anyone says, Winona Ryder and Christian Slater have great chemistry in this movie, and this is the best movie either ever did. The lines... make me jealous as a writer. “Well fuck me gently with a chainsaw”- I can’t count how many times I’ve been slapped for saying that out of context. The staged crime scenes are ironic: two date-rapist football players kill each other in a “repressed homosexual suicide pact”, and get buried in uniform (one with his beloved football too). The anti-teen movie to end teen movies, Heathers gave us a brief respite from the teen-movie onslaught of the 80s, that is, until American Pie reared its ugly head and resurrected that crap with a vengeance. I’ve heard rumors of a Heathers 2, but I hope they’re just rumors.
1. The Breakfast Club.
This movie is the quintessential 80’s movie, and the best movie of the decade by far. John Hughes is my favorite director, so picking a favorite was hard, but I have to settle on The Breakfast Club simply because it mixes drama with comedy perfectly. Pretty in Pink attempts this, but winds up being mostly drama with a few funny lines from Andrew Dice Clay.
The Breakfast Club is about five teens sentenced to Saturday detention, and once left alone, what they learn about themselves and each other when isolated from outside social influences. It shows how we often define ourselves in relation to a group, and once deprived of that group, tend to see similarities in others from different groups we never recognized in ourselves. This is heavy stuff for a teen-movie, which is why I don’t think it fits in that genre. The Simple Minds theme song is my favorite song, which, along with this movie, create a powerful nostalgia for the 80s and how that decade continues to define who I am.
I’ve been asked which of the 5 characters I identify with the most closely. I tell these people they completely missed the point of The Breakfast Club, which, while not doing away with labels, interchanges them to the degree that they become a superficial skin masking our complexity more than an identity condensed in one word.
So that’s it. My favorite 20 favorite films. It will definitely change but for right now, these are the movies that set the standard by which I judge the crap I watch to make fun of.